You made plans. You made promises to each other. Now you find yourself – alone, bitter, and confused. And despite trying to get back to dating, he still has a hold on you. You constantly think of what you could have done to save your relationship, hoping that he’ll allow you to make things right and start all over again. It hurts, and there is no sign that the two of you will get back together again.

Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz billed as the personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women, says that it’s high time for you to let go of your past and embrace the future right in front of you.

Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz explains why it’s hard to let go of someone

You’ve been in relationships before. But there is that one relationship that is hard to let go of. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating for just a few weeks or if you have been engaged to one another.

It doesn’t matter if he said he wasn’t ready for a commitment. Or if he found someone else. Or that you had major issues that he can’t accept and live with. It hurts because you weren’t the one who cut the relationship short. And now you are devastated, trying to make sense of the past and your future.

Even smart, strong, successful women turn into a shell of themselves when they are dumped by the men they love. Why? For starters, your feelings for the other person remain strong because you didn’t end the relationship yourself. And so you hold on to that idealized version of that relationship, smarting from the pain. You’ve tried going out on dates with other men. But nothing seems to be clicking, and not for want of trying. Honestly, you can say that you want to move on and start anew with somebody else.

But you can’t let go of your ex’s grasp on your heart and mind. Deep in some corner of your mind, you are still holding out on the idea of getting back with your ex.

Why smart, strong, successful women should let go of the past

The answer is simple but difficult. You need to let go of your past, no matter how appealing it may be, because there is no other way to move forward, especially in finding a healthy and lasting relationship with someone else.

For one, you are doing yourself a huge disservice by clinging to a past that is neither here nor there. Yes, you might go on dates, but you do not fully immerse yourself in those new experiences. You hold out because, in the back of your head, there is still that glimmer of hope that you’ll get your ex back.

Your feelings for your ex are like poison. You see the world darkly, never trusting people fully, barely containing the bile that goes from your gut to your mouth. And if you do get into a new relationship, you aren’t making a full commitment. For you, no one can come close to your ex. Even if your new guy is perfect for you. Blinded by your past experience and your lingering feelings for your ex, you prevent yourself from being truly happy, even if it is within arm’s reach. In short, you continue loving a man who, whether you care to admit it or not, will never love you back.

Quite simply, if you want to move on completely and fully from your ex, you need to let go of your ex, your pain, and grudges.

Personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women tells you how to let go of the past and negativity

Finally letting go of the past and embracing a new future is difficult. But like most things, the good ones do not come easy. Dating Coach Evan Marc Katz shares three tips to help you finally get over the hump and start a new life free from negativity.

Forgive yourself now

You might find yourself clinging to a past that may never come back because you feel guilty. You are always rewinding past moments, thinking of what you might have done and shouldn’t have done. If you want to free yourself completely from the clutches of a past relationship, you have to forgive yourself. To do that, you have to calm yourself and live in the present. This will help you become more objective as you look into the past.

Change the narrative

In your mind, your ex did something terrible, turning you into a hapless victim. While there is not much that you can do about what your ex has done to you, you can choose to shift the narrative from being a victim to your personal story’s hero.

Look for what is good in your life now

When someone has done something bad to you, it is easy to get jaded and think other people are out to hurt you. To counter these thoughts, you have to stop and appreciate the good things you have.

Evan Marc Katz: Let go

Dating Coach Marc Katz, the personal trainer for smart, strong, successful women, says that everyone deserves a loving and healthy relationship. But you have to be ready to give and accept love. And you cannot do that if you keep yourself trapped in the past.